The Three Floors of Self
In Enneagram conversations, the terms “true self” and “false self“ frequently arise. Those ideas trace back to D.W. Winnicott, a pediatrician and psychoanalyst whose work has quietly shaped modern psychology. Even if his name is unfamiliar, his framework has become part of the air we breathe in therapy and self-help.
Winnicott observed that when infants feel attuned to and mirrored, they can express themselves with spontaneity and vitality — what he referred to as the true self. When the environment fails to meet the child’s needs, they adapt by creating a compliant, performing self — the false self, the first floor. This protects belonging and safety, but comes at the cost of a sense of aliveness. His language helps us understand why many adults appear fine on the outside yet feel empty inside. And therapy that loosens the false self and supports authentic expression can be life-giving. Still, this “true self” is a psychological concept. It belongs to personality and development, not ultimate reality.
The Enneagram lives on what we might call the second floor, the egoic floor — the realm of patterned adaptations. It reveals the strategies that emerged from those early compromises — nine distinct ways the false self system organized itself to secure what was perceived as missing. Seeing this brings clarity, freedom, and choice. Working with type patterns can soften defenses, improve relationships, and make life more fluid. This is deeply valuable. But it is not yet realization. It is polishing the self, not dissolving identification with it.
Then there is a third level — the Self the mystics spoke of. For the Upanishads, for Christian contemplatives, for Sufis, this Self is not a healthier personality. It is Being itself, the unbounded ground beyond identity. It cannot be polished or developed, because it was never tarnished. It simply is.
This is where confusion creeps in. We may assume that if we live more authentically (Winnicott’s true self), or if we loosen our Enneagram patterns, we’ll arrive at the mystics’ Self. But polishing the personality, however valuable, is not the same as realizing Being. The self cannot get out of self. Efforts at self-improvement remain within the orbit of the ego.
And there’s another layer of confusion: the misunderstanding of essence. When people begin living more authentically — loosening Winnicott’s false self and recovering vitality — it often feels like essence. And in a way it is, because everything is essence. Our aliveness, spontaneity, and renewed energy all flow from Being itself. But this is not the depth of essence that Almaas and other spiritual teachings point to.
Authenticity can clear the way for essence to shine more freely, but it is not essence realizing itself as its own ground. Almaas uses “essence” to refer to the ontological presence of Being, a living reality that is deeper than personality. Confusing authenticity with essence is like mistaking a freshly washed window for the sky. The clean glass lets in more light, but the glass is not the light.
So it helps to remember the three floors of self:
- The psychological floor — Winnicott’s true and false self, and the healing of aliveness.
- The egoic floor — the Enneagram’s map of type patterns and strategies.
- The spiritual floor — the mystics’ Self, the depth of essence, Being itself.
Each has its value. Psychological and Enneagram work can profoundly improve the quality of our lives. They bring more authenticity, vitality, and fluidity into daily living. But they are not the same as Self-realization. The deeper journey is about allowing essence to reveal itself, not simply polishing the personality to feel more alive.
In the end, we discover something quietly radical: “We cannot change, but we can be changed.” And the real work is not done by the self, but by awareness
John Harper is a Diamond Approach® teacher, Enneagram guide, and a student of human development whose work bridges psychology, spirituality, and deep experiential inquiry. He is the author of The Enneagram World of the Child: Nurturing Resilience and Self-Compassion in Early Life and Good Vibrations: Primordial Sounds of Existence, available on Amazon.
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