Comparative judgment becomes implicit in our ego operation every time we try to live according to an ideal. If we are always measuring ourselves against an ego ideal—whether it’s success or intelligence or a spiritual ideal of love or maturity or enlightenment—then we are not being where we are. We decide that where we are is not okay. It’s as though you were always being told to go to your room. Every time your experience arises, somebody is telling you, “Go to your room—I don’t want to see you; I don’t want to hear you.” Imagine people telling you that. If every time you show up that happens, you won’t want to show up again.
You could approach it like this: “I can allow myself to see how this harmony is trying to present itself in my situation right now. If I respect my experience and let it be, if I make myself available to discover its truth, it will unfold to reveal the harmony that is relevant for me, that is destined for me.” – The Unfolding Now: Realizing Your True Nature through the Practice of Presence, Ch. 7
In time you realize that as long as you live according to any ideal, as long as you try to actualize any ideal, there is suffering. And you learn this through the process of suffering more than anything else. If you suffer deeply and with understanding, you will mature, you’ll be a ripe human being. A ripe human being is a human being who feels deeply that at the deepest level there is happiness and harmony, but who knows at the same time, that desiring happiness and harmony cuts him off from reality. Because he is mature and he knows this principle, he stops desiring. A mature human being knows that he wants happiness more than anything else, and he also knows that by wanting it, he will not get it; so he acts accordingly. Another person might know these things, but not be mature enough to act accordingly. Being mature means that your knowledge allows you to actually stop pursuing your fantasies. But it takes a lot of disappointments to allow that to happen. – Diamond Heart Book Three: Being and the Meaning of Life, Ch. 6
The ego ideal is connected to the grandiose self, but it is not the same thing. It is a less radical defense than the grandiose self. A person who depends on the grandiose self is someone who hasn’t got much of an ego ideal. Normal people have an ego ideal. More narcissistic people have a grandiose self. The grandiose self believes, “I am such and such a way.” This is less realistic than someone who has an ego ideal and believes, “I’m going to become that way.” According to depth psychology, the person who has developed an ego ideal is considered normal. A narcissist didn’t have a chance to develop an ego ideal, and developed the defense of grandiosity, which is a much flimsier defense than the ego ideal. The ego ideal is more tenacious, deeper, more entrenched; it permeates the fabric of the personality. Although the ego ideal is a good indication of normality, some people have more extreme ego ideals than others, and the more adjusted the person is, the more realistic is the ego ideal. For instance, a person might want to be all-knowing, to know everything there is to know. Another person might want to be a professor of philosophy. Both have to do with knowing, but becoming a professor of philosophy is actually possible. You can go to a university, get a degree, and become a professor who knows a great deal. This is a much more realistic ideal than wanting to be all-knowing. – A. H. Almaas, Diamond Heart Book Three: Being and the Meaning of Life, pg. 69
The moment we posit a particular state as ideal, we also fall into the mode of comparative judgment. We’re comparing where we are now with that ideal state. This becomes a fertile ground for the superego. The superego loves this position. This is exactly the gap it needs to enter into your experience. When you make a comparative value judgment, you become engaged in: “Here’s where I am, and over there is where I am supposed to be. Where I am is not as good as where I’m supposed to be, so where I am should change to be that other place.” When you say this, you are rejecting where you are at the moment. And when you reject where you are at the moment, not only do you disconnect from your personal thread, you also disconnect yourself from your true nature, from your beingness itself. When you reject where you are at the moment, you cannot simply be, because merely being means not acting on yourself in any way. Comparative judgment disconnects you from Being whether the comparisons you make are accurate or not. This happens when you take a position about what’s supposed to happen and then try to practice from within that context. For example, you may realize that the way you are right now is not the fullness of humanity; it is not the most realized, most whole, deepest possible condition. You may be aware that feeling compassionate toward someone would be more effective than the resentment you are feeling. And sometimes you can’t help but know that there are conditions that feel better than what you are feeling at that moment. – A. H. Almaas, Spacecruiser Inquiry: True Guidance for the Inner Journey, pg. 190