The presence of negative-merging affect in the personality manifests as many kinds of desires. Since it is a state of painful undischarged tension, the desires are ultimately for discharge, though the objects of desire will vary greatly. And since only Being is a presence without negative-merging affect, then our ultimate desire must be for realizing Being.
The second reason one usually reverts to negative merging as a defense against separation is that the fear of separation brings a desire for connection. This desire for connection is based on fear and deficiency, so it is the result of negative-merging affect, and in fact is the same as negative-merging affect. So one activates negative-merging of feet to regain or hold on to connection. But connection associated with negative-merging affect is negative merging. Thus one is caught in a double bind; one desires connection, but the very desire itself prevents real connection. Desire is a movement towards merging with the object of desire. When one is identified with desire one cannot reach the Merging Essence, the essence of the positively merged state. One will only reach negative merging.
One cannot merge in a positive way when one starts with desire. Being has no hint of desire in it. – The Pearl Beyond Price: Integration of Personality into Being, An Object Relations Approach, Ch. 20