Human Maturity and What it Means to Be an Adult
The works of A. H. Almaas, the pen name of Hameed Ali, founder of the Diamond Approach to Self-realization, provide profound insights into human maturity and what it means to be an adult.
Almaas emphasizes the importance of disengaging from the “central object relation,” which can be understood as a childlike dependence on others for nourishment, comfort, and security. He describes two sides of this relation: one where you are the child, relying on others to take care of you, and the other where you are the giving, nourishing entity, taking care of others. To reach true human maturity, one must move beyond both these positions. Losing the central object relation means losing the comfort and security associated with it, but it also means growing into a real human being who is mature and independent. This loss leads to a more grounded and responsible existence, where one is not solely focused on nourishing others or being nourished by them[1].
Almaas explores the concept of growing into true maturity and realization. He believes that human beings are born into the realm of Being and that the true aspects of Being are never totally lost. However, the awareness of this Being can be obscured by the ego. By understanding the structuring of the ego and the patterns of identification, one can undo this “forgetting” and grow into true maturity. This maturity is not just a mental construct but a substantial presence that allows one to live a human, personal life filled with love, work, knowledge, creativity, and accomplishment. It is the truly integrated and developed human being, referred to as the “Personal Essence,” which is the reality of which ego is only a reflection. This presence is beyond time and makes sense of human and personal life, and it is described as the “pearl beyond price“.
In summary, Almaas’s teachings on being an adult and human maturity emphasize the importance of moving beyond childlike dependencies and embracing a deeper understanding of one’s true Being. This process involves both letting go of comforting but limiting object relations and growing into a realization of one’s true essence, leading to a fulfilled and integrated human existence.
In a sense, what is generally called “the life of an adult” is really just a second babyhood. When we are children, the functions of nourishment, care, protection, release of tension, and comfort are provided by the parents—particularly by the mother when the child is an infant. As the personality of the child develops, the child becomes more independent of the mother, but this is accomplished by introjecting the mother, recreating her inside. You have your mother inside you and so, in a sense, you are still a baby. You still have your mother around, and you believe you need her. That is why, when you go deep inside yourself in the Work, you start realizing how much you want your mother, how much you don’t want to lose her, how much you fear separation, all of that. Deep inside, you still believe that you need Mother around. – Diamond Heart Book One: Elements of the Real in Man, Ch. 13