It is clear that for ego the solution must be a compromise; for ego, autonomy and fusion are contradictory states. When one is dealing with the issue on the Being level it attains another dimension of significance. It becomes a conflict in the student’s mind between the Personal Essence and the Merging Essence. Autonomy becomes the Personal Essence, and closeness with mother becomes the Merging Essence. – The Pearl Beyond Price: Integration of Personality into Being, An Object Relations Approach, ch. 23
t’s like someone who says, “Well, the world is too full of wars. What can we do to stop the wars and have more peace? We’ll strengthen our army, have more weapons, and that way we will have no more war.” It’s the same attitude which creates more division, more opposition, more war. How can you stop violence with violence? How can you stop the fight within you by going about it with fighting? You are strengthening the fighting part of you. You are strengthening the conflict. You are increasing the division. – Diamond Heart Book Two: The Freedom to Be, ch. 5