Redefining Soulmates: From Seeking Completion to Awakening Wholeness Within
Soulmates. It’s a word tossed around casually, often seen as the key to a perfect relationship—the Holy Grail of love. At some point, many of us get caught up in the idea that someone out there is our ideal match. “Soulmate” has become shorthand for this. But here’s the thing—what if this romanticized ideal only scratches the surface of something deeper, something the soul already knows? What if the real question is not, “Who is my soulmate?” but rather, “Does the soul even need another to be whole?”
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.
Rumi
Podcast Discussion
The Common Narrative: Searching for “The One”
We’ve all heard the stories: your soulmate is out there—your other half, the missing piece that makes you whole. It’s a compelling idea but feeds the ego’s most fundamental illusion: separateness. Ego activity thrives on this feeling of incompleteness, on the idea that fulfillment comes from someone or something outside of ourselves. So, when talking about soulmates, are we just talking about the ego’s longing for connection and validation? Or is there a more profound truth to this kind of connection?
In the Diamond Approach®, this ego-based separateness is the source of the soul’s perceived emptiness, fueling our search for someone to fill that void. We long for the “perfect” partner because, deep down, we believe we are incomplete on our own. The soulmate narrative justifies that search—an external quest for the completion we feel we lack. But what if that emptiness is not something another person can fill? What if the soul doesn’t need an “other” to feel whole but needs to awaken to its inherent wholeness?
People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
Elizabeth Gilbert
Does the Soul Need Another to Be Whole?
This question—does the soul need another to be whole?—cuts right to the core of our understanding of relationships and the self. The short answer, according to the Diamond Approach, is no. The soul, in its essence, is already complete. The emptiness we feel isn’t an inherent lack but rather a veil created by the ego’s identification with separateness. At its core, the soul is not searching for completion because it is, by nature, whole.
So, why do we still feel that pull toward others, that desire to merge, to connect deeply with another? The Diamond Approach sees these feelings as pointing to a deeper truth—not our lack, but our shared essence. Relationships, particularly those we might label “soulmate connections,” can act as mirrors, reflecting the truth of who we are. When we feel that intense connection with someone, it’s not because they complete us but because, in that moment, they help us see the essence we already carry within.
Completeness means that you have not moved away from the totality of yourself in any way; there is no duality whatsoever. You are completely abiding as your nature.
A. H. Almaas
Soulmates as Catalysts for Awakening
This brings us to an important reframe: What if, instead of being the perfect or optimal partner who fills the void, a soulmate is someone who catalyzes the process of awakening? Someone who helps us see through the illusion of separateness and awaken to our inherent wholeness?
In the Diamond Approach, soulmates are not about external completion but internal recognition. A true soulmate doesn’t “complete” us but helps us awaken to the wholeness that has been there all along. This awakening doesn’t mean we stop longing for connection or intimacy. It means we stop believing that our fulfillment depends on finding someone outside of ourselves to fill us up. The relationship becomes a space for inquiry, for uncovering more profound truths about who we are beyond the ego’s story of separateness.
A soulmate is not someone you meet and instantly fall in love with. It’s someone who helps you remember who you really are.
Osho
Merging Love and the Illusion of Duality
And what about love? Isn’t love, particularly romantic love, a form of merging with another, a transcendence of egoic boundaries? The Diamond Approach offers a concept called Merging Love—an experience of intimate, deep connection where two individuals feel as if they are dissolving into one another. But here’s the twist: this merging doesn’t mean the loss of individuality or the filling of a void. Instead, it’s a recognition of the oneness between two souls.
In true merging love, the boundaries of separateness soften, not because the other person makes us whole, but because we are both reflections of the same universal truth. This is where the concept of the Beloved comes into play. In the Diamond Approach, the Beloved isn’t just your romantic partner or soulmate—it’s the essence of love itself, the universal presence that flows through all things. Falling in love allows you to encounter the Beloved reflected through the other person. It’s not that they make you whole—it’s that they help you recognize the wholeness that is already yours.
Through my love for you, I want to express my love for the whole cosmos, the whole of humanity, and all beings.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Exploring Dual Unity
The Diamond Approach takes the concept of soulmate connections further with the idea of Dual Unity—a state where two individuals remain distinct but experience their inherent unity. This goes beyond the romanticized notion of soulmates as perfect partners, focusing instead on the shared journey of awakening. In this state, the relationship becomes a space for each person to confront the illusions of separateness, not by merging into one entity but by recognizing that they are both already complete.
Here, a soulmate is not someone who optimally fits your needs or fills your gaps but someone who helps you see through the gaps altogether. It’s a relationship that invites you to question needing another person to complete you. This kind of relationship holds space for the inquiry: Does the soul need another to be whole, or is the other simply a reflection of the wholeness you already carry? This is the heart of the inquiry—can we see our relationships not as escapes from emptiness but as mirrors for the fullness that is always present?
Love one another, but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Kahlil Gibran
Journey to Wholeness Through Inquiry
Ultimately, the idea of a soulmate is both true and incomplete. Yes, we may find deep connections with others, connections that feel destined or cosmic. But those connections are not about finding someone who fills our emptiness. They are about awakening to the wholeness that has always been present. So, while “soulmate” may be a good enough shorthand for that optimal connection, the deeper question is: Does the soul need an “other” to be whole? Or does the “other” help us remember that we’ve been whole all along?
This is the invitation—to explore our relationships as reflections, not of our incompleteness, but of our inherent essence. We need to see through the ego’s need for external completion and awaken to the universal truth that we are and have always been, whole.