An Enneagram Type 8 Journey
Before diving into this story, I’d like to remind the reader that what I’m reflecting on here isn’t the current state of affairs. These experiences stretch back over 30 years, and many of the conversations I’ve had with my best friend, Christine—an Enneagram Type 8—go back at least 20 years. This is more of a retrospective on a long journey of self-discovery, so keep that in mind as you read.
Podcast Discussion
The Moment of Realization
The other day, I talked with Christine and retold how I discovered I was an Enneagram Eight. The conversation took me back to that moment of realization: Thank God! Who would want to be anything else? She immediately responded, “Of course!”
That response says a lot about being an Enneagram 8. It reveals a certain arrogance and grandiosity, traits that can sometimes be wrapped up in the Eight’s identity. It speaks to our fierce independence or refusal to feel dependent. Eights are often wired to stand out, stand tall, and refuse to be part of the herd.
Eights can come across as arrogant due to their strong self-confidence and need to be in control. They often see themselves as more capable than others, which can lead to a sense of grandiosity. This belief in their own strength and invulnerability can make it difficult for them to acknowledge their limitations or ask for help.
The Wisdom of the Enneagram
The Chaos of an All-Type 8 World
Christine and I have had many discussions over the years about being Type 8s. We often joke with each other. The world would be a better place if everybody else were like us! It’s a funny thought, but the world would be absolute chaos if everyone were a Type 8.
Can you imagine? A planet full of fiercely independent, headstrong individuals, all determined to lead, none willing to follow. It’d be madness. This little quip shows the irony of the Enneagram Type Eight mindset. On the one hand, we are confident and driven, but on the other, we can sometimes be unaware of just how much intensity we bring to the table.
Eights have a paradoxical relationship with chaos. On one hand, they hate losing control, yet on the other, they are at home in chaos, as it plays to their strengths. Chaos allows them to demonstrate their power and leadership, but it also keeps them from feeling vulnerable or exposed. Their real growth comes from learning to navigate order and peace without needing the chaos to feel alive.
The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram
Facing the “Needy Mess”
Over the years, another recurring theme in our conversations is what we’ve come to call the “needy mess.” This is where an Eight moves toward Type 2, into their heart space, the inner child. And let me tell you, for an Eight, it’s not all fluffy unicorns and good vibes. It’s a shift into a world of neediness, vulnerability, and dependence—we prefer to avoid it all. Suddenly, the strong, self-sufficient facade breaks down, and we must deal with messy, complicated feelings.
Eights struggle with the idea of needing anyone, seeing dependence as a threat to their autonomy. Yet, when they soften and move toward their heart point of Type 2, they are confronted with their own neediness—something they’ve long avoided or denied. This brings up deep fears of vulnerability, but also opens the door to more authentic connection.
Beatrice Chestnut
We often laugh about this because it’s so familiar territory for us these days. Shifting into that emotional vulnerability feels like entering a completely different world—one we still navigate carefully.
Reconnecting to Feelings
When I reconnected with my feelings, I was surprised I survived the emotional roller coaster it threw me onto. One of my most fascinating realizations was how people around me seemed to plump up. I’d spent so much of my life seeing others as two-dimensional objects—just cardboard figures in my world. But reconnecting with my emotions brought them to life. Suddenly, I could see their depth and complexity, and it hit me—no wonder people act crazy! Emotions have a way of making everything so much more complicated.
Eights are often out of touch with their vulnerability, but when they begin to reconnect with their feelings, they experience them with the same force and intensity that characterizes the rest of their personality. This intensity can be overwhelming, but it also brings them closer to their true essence.
Sandra Maitri
The Blubbering Ball of Protoplasm
It was during this period that I had my first “least-favorite” experience of lying on the floor, reduced to a blubbering ball of protoplasm. If there’s one thing I can say, being in that state of pure vulnerability is challenging for an Eight. It’s like being a crab without its shell—exposed, soft, and defenseless. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen those crabs when they leave their old shells to find a new one, but it’s unsettling to watch. That’s exactly what it felt like—raw, wide open, and helpless.
For the Eight, allowing vulnerability is one of the most difficult challenges. They feel exposed without their armor. Yet, in stepping into vulnerability, they discover the wellspring of compassion and connection that had been hidden behind their need to be invulnerable.
Sandra Maitri
The Wall Comes Down
I shared with Christine many years ago how my protective wall was finally broken. I joked that it took three nuclear explosions, but that’s only half a joke. It did take some intense experiences to shatter that wall. I remember lying on the floor in that blubbering state, praying to the universe—please don’t let me put that wall back up. I knew too well that I’d start picking up those bricks and putting them back into place.
Eights have built a fortress around their hearts. When they allow themselves to become vulnerable, the wall comes down, revealing a tender, caring, and protective nature that had been hidden beneath their toughness.
Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson
But here’s what I didn’t expect—I found myself cooperating with the universe to keep that wall down. It was like something shifted in me, and I realized that this vulnerability, as terrifying as it was, was essential for my growth. Instead of rebuilding the wall, I let it crumble further, allowing the universe to continue its work. That cooperation was one of the most surprising parts of the journey.
The “Bad News” of the Enneagram
I’m reminded of Claudio Naranjo’s statement that the Enneagram is all bad news. He meant that the Enneagram shows us how we are disconnected from essence and what’s real. It reveals how we’ve armored ourselves against life, built defenses, and moved away from the truth of who we are. That “bad news” can be hard to accept, but it’s also the start of real understanding. You can’t reconnect with essence without seeing how you’ve distanced yourself from it.
The Eight is essentially an aggressive character whose basic need in life is to assert himself and protect himself. He is dominated by the desire to be independent and to ward off any threat of being controlled or oppressed.
Claudio Naranjo
Finding the Diamond Approach and the Enneagram
About a year after that first blubbering ball of protoplasm experience, I discovered the Diamond Approach®. This gave me an entirely new orientation toward inner work. It helped me see beyond the surface and gave me a deeper, more profound understanding of the inner journey. A couple of years later, I was introduced to the Enneagram, and eventually, I attended Helen Palmer’s Enneagram training.
Eights are natural leaders who express their will and influence by fighting for their beliefs and trying to control the external environment. Their strength can inspire others, but they can also intimidate by their need to dominate.
Helen Palmer
The reflections in this article focus on the events that led me to seek how to become a real human being. That’s what led me to the Diamond Approach and the Enneagram. These tools have been invaluable in helping me break down those protective layers and reconnect with the essence of who I am.
Free Advice from Enneagram Type 8
Let me end this short trip down memory lane by offering a piece of free advice, a typically Type Eight annoyance: The sooner we recognize this and let the universe—or whatever forces are greater than us—start having their way with us, the sooner we can reduce the wear and tear of living through the lens of our personality. Trust me, resisting it only makes the journey harder. When we stop fighting to control everything and start allowing ourselves to be transformed, life becomes much less of a battlefield.