Self-esteem, when it is real, is the value of essence. And the value of essence is nothing but essence itself in one of its aspects. Value, according to this perspective, is not something we gain; value is our nature. Essence is value. And if we try to get value as a result of something, then this value is not genuine. It is just filling a certain hole, the hole that resulted from the loss of our true value, an important aspect of our essence. In fact, any attempt to get value by excelling in any endeavor, inner or outer, will just cut us off from the true value, the absolute value of essence, where we are value, without this value being attributed to anything. – Essence with the Elixir of Enlightenment: The Diamond Approach to Inner Realization, Ch. 4
Experiencing the aspect of Value has a positive and pleasurable feeling, with a sense of deep satisfaction and sweetness about the fact of our existence. This pleasurable and fulfilling feeling is quite tangible and clearly discriminated as “value.” It is the innermost value of the self. It clearly reveals that the self possesses an intrinsic value that is inseparable from the fact of its existence. Value is not only an affect, but a manifestation of our ontological truth, an inherent quality of our core presence.
When we are alienated from our essential presence—that is, when we are narcissistic—we are inevitably alienated also from the quality of Value. We are disconnected from our sense of innate value by the mere fact that our identity is situated in the conventional dimension of experience. This alienation from Value becomes apparent when the manifestations of central narcissism begin to approach our consciousness. We become aware of the lack of Value inherent in our normal sense of identity as this identity becomes transparent and is revealed as empty. – The Point of Existence: Transformation of Narcissism in Self-Realization, Ch. 15
One does not gain value from one’s accomplishments; these accomplishments are, rather, the expression of one’s self-existing value. When one depends on any external manifestations, such as performance, achievement, excellence, or anything, to feel a sense of value or love, then one has not yet personalized the essential aspect of value. To depend upon external manifestations for self esteem means one has to use one’s mind; one has to remember these accomplishments. But the value of Being is self-existing, is a presence independent of the mind, and of the past. – The Pearl Beyond Price: Integration of Personality into Being, An Object Relations Approach, Ch. 28
This is where your history and the judge come in. Like everyone else, your parents believed in value as an acquired quality, so they did not recognize or mirror your own inherent value. They undoubtedly were aware of it but attributed it to something other than who you were as a human soul. The inability to recognize their own inherent value makes it very difficult for parents to accept its implicit presence in anyone else, even their own children. As a result, you got a clear message that value was achieved in certain ways, by meeting certain standards. If you didn’t meet those standards or engage in the prescribed activities, you came to believe you were not as valuable.
From then on, you measured your value according to those standards. The real problem, however, is that you came to see yourself as something other than your soul nature. Value is an essential part of that nature. When you are experiencing yourself as the true nature of the soul, you have value and you are value. When you are identified with something other than your soul nature, you do not experience having value, much less being it. So, ultimately, it was giving up your recognition of your true nature that cut you off from knowing your own value. – Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within, Ch. 19
What is the true source of value? We have seen that it can seem to come from certain good feelings (capacity, joy in creating new work); at other times from specific activities, possessions, or accomplishments (quality cabinetmaking, money, national award). Sometimes, value seems to arise as a result of meeting social or personal standards (standing up for what you believe) or taking on certain roles in life (husband, father, cabinetmaker). Most often, value seems given to you through the appreciation and approval of those you love, admire, and depend on.
Clearly, you can feel a sense of value from any of these things—or from none of them. What is striking is how easily these “sources” of value change. Value seems completely relative—always dependent on where you are in your life, what you are doing, and how things are going. It is because of your belief that value lies outside of you that you abandon yourself, turn your back on your own truth, and listen to your judge. This belief is the course of the self-betrayal that is revealed as you pursue your process of self-discovery. From this perspective, the journey of inner unfoldment becomes successful the more you are able to value yourself regardless of what is going on in your life. You must learn to value who you are more than what you do, whom you know, how you feel, what you think, and how you behave. Only in this way will you find the motivation to be yourself fully and deeply, no matter what. – Byron Brown, Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within, Ch. 19
What is needed is to begin to experience value as a state of being you can feel and know in yourself directly. At some moment, you have encountered the distinct flavor of feeling worthwhile, feeling that you matter, that something in your very existence has value. Though it might become apparent in response to some person, event, or activity, this intimate feeling genuinely expresses your true nature regardless of the situation. It arises in the heart as a sweet, velvet liquid like a luscious, amber nectar. Value has a preciousness and a richness that is both light and substantial at the same time. When experienced, this quality gives you a sense of home and a feeling that you have a right to be here because you are made of the same essential substance as everything else in the universe. – Byron Brown, Soul Without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within, Ch. 19